i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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