My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
