just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
