I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize