i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
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I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
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Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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