did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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