Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
