just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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