So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
