the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize