I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
