I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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