my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
