Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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