put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
