went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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