Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
But theres a keg here and me gusta
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
