phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize