what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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