Quick, to the slutcave!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
