I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize