why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
