PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
