i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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