He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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