bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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