I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
