Barsexuality is the new black.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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