Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
