didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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