Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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