I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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