I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
