In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
