I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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