then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
