I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
