and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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