Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
