You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
