Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
my sisters under your porch take her home
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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