yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
