can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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