WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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