She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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