Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
