Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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