It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
