Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
