My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize