From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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