everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
