Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
