my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
