if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
