I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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