he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
