If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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