I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
