can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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